Verbatim Vs Verbatim III

Our hero is at the offices of The Honoruable Member of Parliament from Ruhama to have a discussion about the impact of her morality campaign on rates of HIV infection among Christian youth. Our hero owns stock in a condom company. The receptionist gives him a withering once-over and sneers.

• The nineties just called They want their jeans back.
• Well, I am not the centrespread from the latest issue of Vogue magazine so I do not care if I don’t impress you with sartorial savoir faire. I am here to see the honourable member. Please alert her to my presence.
• Are you a disgruntled constituent? Are you one of those clueless and, may I add, vastly irritating bumpkins who travel all the way from the boondocks to ask for sh20k from the MP because they want to buy ferterliser? Why can’t you people learn to be self-sufficient? Buying ferterliser! As if you don' t know where you can get it for free. That is the absolute height.
• No, I am a political lobbyist, advocate of citizens' rights, a conscientious objector – in fact, why mince words, I am a freedom fighter, and I demand an audience with the peoples’ representative.
• Talk about objectors…
• What about objectors?
• I am an objector myself. I object quite conscientiously to those jeans. Really, I haven’t seen jeans like that since Sonic first foiled Dr Robotnik's evil plans. I would not be surprised if you pulled a sh20 note out of the back pocket.
• Are we back to that?
• What time is it in those jeans? It looks like half past hammertime.
• What do I have to do to get past this abuse and actually achieve some sort of , I don’t know, reception from you as the member’s receptionist?
• You could start with a trip to Knight’s Polo.
• Should I give you a bribe? Is that what you want?
• What will you bribe me with? The aforementioned sh20? Save your money. You will need it when you get to Knights Polo.

And so, what else does one do? Our hero turns heel and finds a boda to take him to Garden City to buy new jeans. This is the price we pay for freedom and democracy.