Staying Tuned To WBS

(Apologies to the Lil' Homey)

On days such as Monday, when I am possibly, occasionally, maybe perhaps running a bit late for work, and am still within Chez Baz when the clock blips nine, and I know I should be exploding out of the door like a bullet from a gun, eager to get out there into the real world where I am sorely needed, I have found, of late, reason to tarry.

It wasn’t always like this. In fact, when Daniel Arap Moi – not the ex-president, the semi-literate WBS news anchor—was doing the breakfast news, I would actually flee the crib in fear, anxious to get off the premises before his dumb ass appeared on the screen.

However, these days ease of departure is impeded, rather than aided, by the TV. Because WBS has hired HNC.

No, I don’t know her real name. Since Arap Moi, I learnt to keep the volume on strict mute when WBS shows news. So I haven't heard her introduce herself. I assume she just says, "These are the headlines. I'm Hot News Chick."

What do you want me to do? Rush into the cold, cruel, mean, soul-draining, mind-numbing, heartbreaking corporate gulag just like that, without a second glance at this glorious visage, itself the very light of heaven? Of course not. What man, if he be truly a man, would begrudge me a few minutes to stand before the screen basking in the heat her gorgeousness radiates, just a few minutes? That could be the only moment of pure beauty I will encounter all day.

Unless I, like, have plans for the evening or something.