I have two kittens at home: Little Rainbow and Baby Sunshine. I dyed their fur pink and braided little pigtails into it so that I can dress them up with pretty ribbons. Every night I feed them supper of chocolate éclairs and strawberry-flavoured milk and then I sing them a lullaby—usually a karaoke version of something by Celine Dion or Barbara Streisand. Then I bundle them up in their lace pyjamas and give each one a little kissy-wissy on her nosey-wosey and I tell her “Daddy loves you.”
Then I shoot 300milligrams of valium up their jugulars. 'Cos I don’t want the little shits making noise for me at night when I am training Cerberus.
Monday, September 4, 2006
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