The Smell of Democracy in The Morning

Okay Ugandans, the general elections take place tomorrow. We don’t have much time left so, here are your voting guidelines. Pay attention.

Wake up early on Voting Day to take full advantage of this rare and hard-won opportunity called Democracy—wake up at five-thirty in the morning so that you can have enough time to prepare a big enough saucepan of katogo. There are going to be queues of hungry voters at the polling station all morning long. That is money, and it could be yours. Remember, it is your right.

Those who were present at the planning meeting will have received their share or pre-marked ballot papers. Make sure all the wads are safely concealed in your jacket sleeves, pockets and down your trousers (for the men. For the women, make sure you wear trousers, and stuff the premarked ballot papers down them). When you get to the ballot box, discreetly stuff as many as you can through the slot as the agents demonstrated during the training sessions.

Many of you may be too hasty to conclude that after voting, you have finished electing and may therefore commence the stone-throwing immediately. Please, restrain yourselves. Post-election violence should not begin until AFTER the results are announced.

Got it? Fine. Let’s get this show on the road.