Today Dodi birthday. I wanted to give something special for him. Something that could make him happy and forgive my behavior inappropriate for this.
This day will I give all my love to him. I gave her all my heart for him. Kan kubalasa day - day that passes with the painful sweetness of love. I wrapped the parcel that has been kupersiapkan for her birthday gift, humming merrily. Dodi had long wanted this watch, which hunts since six months ago. I found a week ago when I was duty into Singapore. On this special day I will do something special. I will menjamunya dinner, give gifts for him, and declare my love to him. Yes, I want to go back to him. I want to be part of his life again. I want to sail the world with him.
I met Dodi year ago, the photography club where I spent time on the weekends. I am a newcomer to this club. Curiosity to see photos - produced spectacular photos Joey, my friend, encouraged me to join one potography community in Jakarta. Damn me.
On the first day I joined, the club decided to hunting in the old town of Jakarta. Arriving at their destination, every photographer direct action. There portraits, portraits here. Take the angle from there and from here. Everything is busy, not terkecual me. The difference is, Everyone is busy taking pictures, while I was busy struggling with the new Nikon D80 which I bought four days ago. This is the first time I have a SLR camera and one hundred percent of the blind how to operate it. Mau said, embarrassed. So, what I do is just open and close the lens. I was messing - tweaking the camera when a guy with skinny body posture came.
"Why is the camera?" He asked. "Diana cute yes?" Confused do not know what to say. I just nodded - nodded vaguely. The guy took the camera from my hand, squeeze - pressed the button, and take my photos from various sides.
"Good," she said. "It looks quite new. Here, "he returned the camera is poor. I was just silent, still confused how to operate it. "Why not start motret?" He asked. "In fact, a lot of really interesting objects you know. See. The sky really good. With the silhouette of a tree, would be a perfect photo. "
"Mmmmm ... mmmm "I murmured doubts - doubts. "Actually, I can not operate it," I said resignedly imagine she would laugh at me. But, he did not laugh. He invited me to sit on a wooden bench and give me a crash course. I later learned, her name Dodi. He is a senior club member and an architect.
Friendship with Dodi continues. At each meeting, he always gives tips - special tips how to take good photos, the best time to take a panoramic photo, perfect angle to shoot someone. Our conversation continues not only about photography. Dilanjutka with stories - stories about the job. He told me about designya, I told him about the cases at the law firm where I work. Within two months, we became close.
Dodi good friend. He was always willing to teach me about it - things I did not know about. Listening kesahku complained about the client - the client that sucks. Comfort me when I'm upset. Sincere kindness of a friend. I love her. And I know, she also loves me. Even so loved me. One thing that sometimes really bother me. I do like Dodi. However, I fear, a sense of excessive unfortunately will take him saying something to me, something that would be very difficult to accept.
I really love him. However, I do not love him. I love someone who never knew I loved him. Someone I love quiet - quiet. I love Rafie. Housemate when I lived in Wisma Boxwood, when I worked in Bandung. Someone who could fill a dream - the dream of my evening. A person who can memebuat my day at the office was so fun just because a brief email from him. In fact the email was only asking a friend telephone number to another. Taste coward prevent me to show my feelings to him. I still internalize it, until he moved to Surabaya for continuing specialist school. diana cute
His departure did not make my love faded. My feelings remain strong. Sure, someday he'll come to me. Every day, the first thing I did was checking his facebook, and make sure its status is still single.
When it finally arrived. Dodi declare his love to me. I accept his love. Not because I love him, just because I do not want to lose the attention from him. Loss of kindness - kindness. Receive his love just a way to kill loneliness and longing will Rafie. Sometimes, I feel guilty. As with him, I'd imagine the figure of Rafie. Once, one day he caught me was looking at pictures on facebook Rafie. I'm surprised absurdly, and pretend - act calmly explained that Rafie is my friend, and I wondered where he is now. I think Dodi would be jealous. Apparently I was wrong. He still acted normal. Consider my behavior to see photos man - another man with great yearning is a common thing.
However, I can not lie to yourself. The longer I was with him, I'm getting tortured. Sms - sms sweet to remind not to forget to eat and pray from it starting to get bored. The weekend began to feel tortured. Together with the former really enjoyed turned into an unbearable agony. Often, I cancel appointments for no reason, pretend - pretending busy just wanted to avoid it. How Long on Rafie, often makes me angry is not unreasonable to him. Likewise, he is still good. Listening to my anger until I was satisfied. The next day, everything seemed never happened.
It all started from the brief reunion. Although he has parted ways with friends - friends from Wisma Boxwood, I remain intensely communicate with them via a special mailing list. Through this mailing list we give each other khabar, and through this mailing list also, I know little about Rafie khabar. Three years had never met, we decided to do a small reunion in Yogyakarta, in Harry's house, one of his friends. Jogja become the primary choice because of its strategic location of the Jakarta and Surabaya where we live. Kusambut reunion with pleasure. The shadow I will soon meet with Rafie make nafaskku congested if the thought.
I canceled my appointment with Dodi and photography club for hunting to the interior of Borneo by Reni. In fact, this hunting plan is prepared for a long time. As usual, Dodi memaklumiku. Absolutely not angry with my decision. He still gives good as usual. Goodness that makes me ashamed. And angry. Sometimes, it feels like to see angry with me, so I do not have to feel too guilty.
The reunion went well and perfect. Harry had become director in one of the organizations that are handled. Eki was married and Robyn already has a pair of twins. Just me and Rafie unmarried. Rafie still as attractive as before. What distinguishes it is his growing maturity. His style was quiet and still seintelektual first. It is very admired him and always makes me low self-esteem if together with it.
I did not expect, my meeting with Rafie continues. He has completed specialized school in Surabaya and intend to move to Jakarta, accepting an offer to work at one private hospital as a heart specialist. His move to Jakarta to make our relationship back soon. Even closer than when we lived together. I started playing with fire. Somehow, kecanggunganku in front of him missing, and I can be normal to him. My love more passionate. I'm getting love. Bids have dinner with him is the most waiting - waiting. In fact, some nights I cancel an appointment weeks dnegan Dodi to attend classical music concerts Rafie favorite. Likewise, I still do not know how feelings to me.
Today is the birthday of Rafie. I gave him a surprise by giving a simple gift for him. Meskpin usual, but Rafie very pleased with that I gave. He's buying me dinner at a restaurant in Kemang to celebrate his birthday. That night was so perfect, before Rafie lift home. It was late, shown at 11 tonight. However, there is someone sitting on the terrace of my house. Dody. Oh God. What does he want the night - this night. He had already seen me. There was no time to escape, and Rafie was already out of the car.
Dodi welcomed me home. Her face looked tired. There is a highlight of sadness there. However, as usual. He remained as an angel. Not angry with me, and does not indicate that we have a special relationship. Not the least he showed hatred to Rafie.
"Hi Sheila. I waited from earlier. There was someone who left you this. I thought, I should tell this very night, "she handed him a parcel for me. Smiling warmly, even though I know her heart sore.
"Because the parcel is located on the right hand, I go back yes. Nice to meet you Rafie, "he passed. After Rafie home, I opened the parcel that was a telephoto lens that is wanted. I was touched when considering today is our anniversary. And I had forgotten just like that.
After the incident, Dodi little changed. Attention is given has been reduced in intensity. In fact, call-hunting also began seldom heard. However, being in love I'm not too concerned with the changes that the longer it should be more visible. In fact, I do not dispute, on my birthday he could not celebrate along with me because the want to join with friends - old friend from university in the city warm. Good thing, I thought. I could spend tonight with Rafie.
That's the perfect night. Me and Rafie celebrate my birthday at a restaurant in Fort Season. Jamuannya not play. Rafie buying me for candle light dinner and provides a pendant initials as my name. Night filled with laughter and jokes. Not at all I thought about going to Dodi.
The incident happened again. It's midnight, Rafie lift home. Like dejavu. A figure was waiting on the porch of my house. Dodi. Still like the previous incident. I've not had time to escape. And Rafie was already out of the car to open the car door for me. However, he did not like the usual Dodi met. Her face is always calm look grim. Is disappointed probably more appropriate. Realizing are in place and the wrong time, Rafie immediately resign and say hello to me and Dodi. As usual, Dodi remained polite. Even still waving to Rafie. Someone who has captured my heart from him.
"I know Sheila. Our relationship could not continue. I'm not to Yogyakarta. I just test, to which the feel about me. And, feelingku far right. You more than I loved the doctor. "
"Dodi .. Sorry ... I am .. "I tried to find the word - the word defense.
"Come on Sheila. It's no use denying. I've witnessed. I just want you to be happy. Sheil Goodbye, "and he left me alone.
Although I love Rafie, broke up with Dodi to make me feel a little lost. I merindakukan attention. Patience. And that always gives me tranquility. He was still quite good. Not the slightest show signs - a sign of hatred, and I've obviously - obviously betrayed. Relationship with Rafie, also grew close. However, he is not Dodi who always understood me. I always accompany Rafie classical concert favorite. However, he was always to watch the concert I saw Anggun who always wanted. Less classy, he said. I always listen to him talk about his hobby of collecting miniature aircraft, but it always shows the look of would - be stupid when I ask her advice will be a photo - my photo. And the worst, he still has not specified in love with me.
I must act. It's almost four months that we connected. On the phone every night. Send sms to remind each other just for lunch. Going out every weekend, if it can be called a date because we never say the three magic words. Until one night, I decided to go further. I must be brave if you want to get clarity.
"I'm sorry Sheila. I do not know if you love me. "What? Do not know? So what he thinks our relationship during this? "Since when do you love me?" He asked
"Since we live together in the House of Boxwood," I replied flatly. I already know where this was going.
I betrayed the people who have loved me with all my heart for the sake of others who do not love me at all. Waiting for someone who is not worth the wait. I'm embarrassed. On Dodi. Especially at myself. I mencapakkan Dodi to someone who does not deserve to be loved. True say, "You dont know what you got till it's gone". After breaking up with Dodi, I realized that I loved him.
"Hi Sheila. What khabar. You look beautiful tonight, "Dodi greeted me at the door of his apartment.
"Good. You are what khabar? Long time no hear, "I replied
"Well my dear. Sorry. I've been so busy the end - the end of this. Deadline. Never call you again, "he regrets. Although he has dropped out, Dodi sometimes still call me and still call me 'my dear'. Just to say hello or talk about the client - the client.
"No problem," I replied. "Happy Birthday, yes," I delivered a parcel which has been kupersiapkan.
"Wow ... Thank you .. "You do not have to do that,"
"Hey. It's your birthday, "I replied.
"Ok dear. Come inside. There is someone who wants kuperkenalkan you. For your information, you're the first to know about it, "
I followed Dodi into his apartment. Start feeling uneasy. The plan, which began in my head started kususun shattered. Is this a premonition? There have been other people in his living room. A woman sat on the sofa, looking out the window enjoying the home at night.
"My dear, I want future wife, diana cute. I just propose to her, "
- End - diana cute
< dian cute dian cute>
No comments:
Post a Comment