But I am better now (thanks for praying) and am back in the squalor and dinginess of Chez Baz, where I spend the nights alone, eat chips out of a paper bag and watch PPTV. Which is, as always, a non-stop array of reasons to tug at your hair out by the roots.
This Sunday, the day I got back, I landed on the Celtel University Challenge on UTV. Universities from East Africa go head to head in a quiz contest. This week it was Ndejje versus Moi University .
It was a bloodbath. A massacre. Ndejje 50 points, Moi 600.
Let me say that again.
50.600.
One more time.
50 points.
Six fucking hundred.
Needless to say Ndejje University students have become very scarce in the region since then. Either they are in hiding, or they are pretending to be O’level dropouts because they don’t want to admit their affiliation with the sort of LOSER who gets thrashed by FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POINTS!!!
(For Ndejje students, 550 points is what you get when you subtract 50 from 600. A little something called Maths.)
Man, have you guys no pride? Didn’t it occur to any of you when you were down 200 points to just cut your losses and go home? Just put up your hand and ask for permission to use the toilet and then, once you are outside and alone, start running and don’t stop until you are in Luweero. When you get there, find a witchdoctor (I hear there are a dozen per square mile in that area) and ask him to sacrifice a hyena or something. Whatever it takes. Cos you neeeeeeeeed help!
Fifty points to six hundred. People are going to think Ugandans are dwanzis. Wharrabout.
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