But I am back now, to take a look at what has been occurring in this republic of ours while my back was turned.
Fifty-nine men bought the cow the weekend. Uganda’s fornication rate dropped sharply. According to this New Vision, fifty nine couples altered the status of their getting laid arrangement from shameless whoring to sanctified matrimony on Sunday. At a ceremony named Omega Big One II, the sinners pledged to be keep it to the missionary position from now on.
Omega Healing Centre, a local church, holds these mass weddings now and then so that the flock have no excuse to keep drinking the milk for free. But it is not a key party. Make sure you remember that.
Also in the news, we made Face of Africa. The Viz also says that Muniirah Namakula, an unemployed chick... sorry, free-lance model “who reluctantly entered the 2006 Nokia Face of Africa model search, has qualified for the finals slated for August 13 in the South African city of Cape Town.”
One of the most annoying things about life in this world is that someone is spending money on model searches. I am broke and Nokia is flushing money down a toilet. Plus, I heard that skinny bitches are evil.
Previously: While I was wandering lost and bewildered through a narcotic haze last week I stumbled upon a rag of headline intimating that the Ugandan government, the good folks at Sudan Inc and the LRA were setting up for a ménage a trios in Cuba. Or something. I may have got some of the details wrong. Crack is one hell of a drug.
And most important of all, Karitas, one of Uganda’s leading pulchritude purveyors, is leaving East Africa Television’s Ugandan lifestyle magazine show K’la Wired, which she has hosted since we managed to get rid of Urkel Marthias Ruhweza back then.
If her replacement, whoever it is, tries to pull a forged accent on us, we shall have to engage the A Team and take them out of commission. You think that is an idle threat? What do you think happened to Sheiza? Why do you think Dominic Nyalifa doesn’t speak English any more? We are some bad muthafuckers. You don’t want to weng around us.
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