Legislation of Love

The International Man Council, the governing body of all testosteral human beings on the planet, just released a special dispatch unto all. It comes straight from the desk of the presiding Grand Machismo, Butch Norris Shaka Bauer himself. So pay attention.
Grand Machismo Bauer is concerned with the increasing latitude with which men are beginning to approach the subject of feelings. A number of men have been reported for telling other men they love them. And not in a homosexual sense (which would not concern the IMC. Homosexuals do not fall under its jurisdiction).

Listen, men are NOT permitted to tell other men they love them. Ever.

Well, not never. There are situations which some laxity can be allowed. The IMC has compiled this list of situations when it is acceptable to tell another man that you love him:

Death Bed Scenario:
The dying man can receive your confession of affection. If your friend is dying, you may tell him you love him as he shuffles the mortal coil. However, he is not allowed to respond in kind. Dying men must not tell survivors that they love them until they enter into a spectral state, which, as we all know, is androgynous. Then they may haunt their friends by floating around like a white sheet scaring the crap out of them by moaning “I love you man,” in the middle of the night.

Marijuana High
It is acceptable only because it happens so much that there is no point in the IMC trying to stop it. When dudes are stoned they say they love everything. I once watched UTV when I was high.

Apologising for sleeping with his wife:
“It was an accident. Everything just moved to fast. I would never do anything intentionally to jeopardise our friendship. I mean, I love you man!”
If the other guy has a very heavy weapon in his hand, this speech might stymie him for a moment and give you precious seconds to draft a quick escape plan.

Pivotal Sports Victory
Or football goals. Just check to see that the other guy is also Italian before attempting kisses.